Royal Flush

I’ll tell yer about Kings of England 

Along with a handful of Queens 

And, who followed who, in each century

All claiming blue blood in their genes.

The French sent the first Bill in 1066

After skirmish near old Hastings Town.

Next William Rufus, then Henry the first

Afore Stephen fought Maud, for the crown.

Now Henry Plantagenet, can you imagine it , 

Found himself next chap in line.

Next Richard the Lionheart, lacklander John

Then Henry the 3rd, who was nine.

Edward the First was the ‘hammer of scots.’

Edward Two just brought chaos and hassle

And noat more was heard from Edward the Third

After trip down to old Berkeley Castle.

Richard the Second took crown for a while

But was frankly a bit of a louse.

So got overthrown by Henry the Fourth, 

The first of the Lancaster house. 

Henry Five and then Six,  both entered the mix 

As the War of the Roses began.

From York in the north, came Edward the Fourth 

And he was a very tall man.

His sons were both princes in London’s white tower,

The elder became Edward Five.

But sadly he wasn’t around very long,

‘cos folks didn’t want him alive.

For hundreds of years they blamed Uncle Dick

Or Richard the Third as he’s known.

But Henry the Seventh ’s more likely the rogue

Who helped all them Tudors claim throne.

Now Henry the Eighth, that’s the bloke with six wives,

Though none were much help with the chores.

So he ranted and raved on for 38 years

Wouldn’t you with six mother-in-laws?

His nine year-old son became Edward the Sixth 

Soon followed by Mary, his daughter.

Then after her death came Queen ‘lizabeth 

Who ruled as her father had taught her.

Then Stuarts took over in 1603, 

With James , who was really a scot.

He nearly went bang in 1605 

All thanks to the gunpowder plot.

The next king was Charles, well he soon got the chop, 

After roundheads and Cromwell barged in.

Charles the Second felt merry and sometimes poor Nell

‘specially when tanked-up on gin.

The second King James lasted only three years 

Then together reigned William and Mary 

Queen Anne was the monarch with cabriole legs

Although I believe one was hairy!

Hanoverian George was offered the crown 

Though his English was said to be bad

A second George followed and later a third

Whose fifteen kids sent him quite mad.

With his Dad ‘off his trolley’ they brought in Prince George

And for nine years we had us a Regency

At his pad, down in Brighton, he’d party ‘till dawn

So hardly a picture of decency.

In spite of the beers, George the fourth had ten years

Then William the fourth became king.

But “Sailor Bill” died, without any brood

And that proved a most awk’ard thing.

His niece became queen, at the age of eighteen

So started the reign of Victoria. 

Prince Albert she wed, then the poor chap dropped dead 

Thus ending her chance of euphoria.

With the house of Hanover, decidedly over

A new royal household was found

So the throne went on offer, to SaxeCoberg-Gotha

When Edward the Seventh was crowned

Dislike of the Kaiser was rife in the war

So a new ‘Windsor’ house was created.

After Mary of Teck said, “I’ll marry, by heck.”

And the heir to the throne was elated.

So George took the throne when his father, Ted, died

And the fifth king to have such a name

But when Edward the Eighth was offered his chance

A crisis occurred, such a shame!

It just wasn’t his thing, for he wanted a fling 

With a woman who couldn’t be queen.

He soon abdicated, the throne was vacated 

So George the Sixth entered the scene.

Throughout the war King George held the throne

Until in the fifties he died

Since then we’ve had Lizzie who keeps very busy

With Philip, her Prince, by her side.

For sixty odd years she’s remained at the helm,

Whilst Charles calmly waits with his gal.

Yet Liz knows Camilla quite fancies her villa

Which stands at the end of the Mall.